Opinions/Canadian Copywriter
Justin Trudeau
Brian Mulroney

When Brian Mulroney took over the leadership of the Progressive Conservative Party, we remember wondering how such a travesty of justice could possibly occur -- because we saw him as a man who was constantly entranced by the government trough and the trappings of government since the day he entered the political spotlight. Sure, he gave us Free Trade (which has worked out well -- yet we believe that Free Trade was more a product of the tenacity of the dearly departed Simon Reisman) and then he gave us the GST (which has not worked out so well). And he's also given us a lot of other things such as Meech Lake which was an enormous waste of time and money. Then, he sued Canada and won $2.5 million. And now, with Karl Hans Schreiber, he's accepted thousands of dollars from private business under the table and left Canadians with legal bills to the tune of $2 million dollars to prove his innocence (which hasn't been proven at all). A federal judge had found him guilty of tampering and lying to the courts -- yet nobody is prosecuting this guy! He got away with it! He is living a comfortable life as a millionaire in his mansion in Palm Springs, Florida almost a stone's throw from Donald Trump's mansion (Hell, the guy doesn't even live in Canada anymore. We're all freezing our butts off while Mr. "Privileged" basks in the sun. With all the money he's earned over his career, he should be very well off and not needing to rely on lobbyists to pay him under the table. Surely we're not political pundits but from the very beginning, we saw Brian Mulroney as a man who was intent on enriching himself at the expense of taxpayers and we believe we were right. Mr. Mulroney's career will always pale in comparison to the real statesmen such as Pierre Trudeau, Robert Stanfield, Joe Clark and Lester Pearson. He has lived the high life and has been nothing but a money drain on Canada, which is especially reprehensible given the state of our economy today. But watch out! You'd better not complain -- because Mr. Mulroney may be lurking around the corner, just waiting to slap a lawsuit on you. We believe that Mr. Mulroney's legacy to the Canadian people is that "it's our responsibility to get out and vote to keep these narcissistic carpetbaggers (usually lawyers) from holding public office.


Here's another Conservative who is equally consumed by power and all too willing to endorse dirty politics to maintain power. Mr. Harper has approved many campaigns which air on TV and trash his oppponents -- attacking their weak spot in every way possible. Okay, we know that politics isn't pretty, but we wonder why the attacks have to be so vociferous. What he did to Stephen Dionne was inexcusable (while we at the Canadian Copywriter don't think Mr. Dionne would have been an outstanding Prime Minister, we also believe that he didn't deserve to be characterized as a "stuttering baboon" in paid TV advertising. We suspect that it's a defensive tactic -- trying to cover up Mr. Harper's own weaknesses,for example, Mr. Harper who is supposed to be a brilliant economist refused to recognize the fact that Canada was heading for (and is now entrenched) in one of the most debillitating economic situations that has ever faced our country. We aren't economists -- but we saw it coming for a long time! Thanks to Mr. Harper, Canadian politics has turned into an extremely nasty business! Thanks to Mr. Harper, the opportunity to debate the issues in a civilized, Canadian way has faded -- and the new opportunity has now been invested in the media and the people who have the money to buy commercials which, unfortunately, our weak Canadian media allows anyone to say anything (as long as they have the bucks). The evidence keeps mounting. In the 2011 Canadian election, one of Mr. Harper's ex-cabinet members, Helena Guergis, who had been turfed out of the cabinet for reasons she didn't understand, investigated her case and found out that she had been completely exonerated by the R.C.M.P. of any wrongdoing. Apparently, it seems, her only wrongdoing was being a little too critical of Mr. Harper. What happened, Mr. Harper? What happened, Canada? Is an intelligent discussion of the issues no longer possible? Has parliamentary debate and politics in general degenerated to nothing more than a parliamentary playground of shouting, finger-pointing and demanding that everybody else in the entire house resign? Have you descended to the point where you must have everyboy around you controlling and intimidating the Canadian people? There's a guy in the Middle East who has done that for years (although we hasten to add that you are not on his level, but then again????) Has the P.M.O. degenenerated to a P.R. campaign -- where an arrogant P.M. is convinced by a hyper-active PR department to dress himself in a sweater, sit in front of a fireplace and cuddle a little putty-tat in order to refute the opposition's claims that he's inhuman? Isn't that a bit obvious? Dear Canada: let's get back to intelligent thinking. Let's let the inmates in the asylum know that the Oscars don't have a category for "Canadian politician!"


Michael Ignatieff
Michael Ignatieff brought his incredibly brilliant mind to Canada -- but seems to have overlooked the fact that we're not all as brilliant as he is. He was definitely a better replacement to Stephen Dionne. Like Stephen Harper, he knows all about the mechanisms of government -- but he can't seem to use simple language to get his message across. He really blew it in the leadership debate when he haughtily dismissed Jack Layton and the NDP as never being able to form a government. Pomposity doesn't work, Mr. Igantieff. We predict that your party will come in a solid third in the upcoming Canadian election -- and you'll be heading back to the United States...where once again you'll terrorize the students at Yale with your brilliant mind.

Suddenly, we, as Canadian taxpayers, own a part of General Motors. So, how should we run the company? Should we run it in the same way it's been run in the past -- or should we actually get down to listening to what people want? Should we constantly lobby the government and challenge everybody who's had an accident in our cars and then turn around and promote the gas-guzzling Hummer and SUV's as the cars of the future -- or should we realize that tonnes of metal and litre upon litre of fossil fuel to transport one person to the grocery store is totally absurd? What were these pretty boys thinking? Should we not press on with the electric cars that GM promoted in the 90's and then seemed to totally forget? This company kept promising fuel-efficient cars year after year, but then delivered nothing! No wonder they went broke!

When we say displaced managers, we're talking about people who have worked in other industries, then transplanted themselves into another industry. Usually, they're impressive at the beginning -- but as time wears on, the employees begin to realize that the so-called "manager" knows very little about the industry that s/he is now engaged in. Typically, these transplanted managers avoid doing the actual work that the company engages in and prefer instead to hide behind the dozens of meetings that s/he initiates every day. Meetings are important, of course, because everyone should be "on the same page", but when a manager initiates dozens of needless meetings every day, there is little likelihood that the actual work is actually getting done. This "YAK YAK YAK" phenomenon is happening throughout thousands of industries in Canada every day.


Jerry Bruckheimer? Who is this guy? Whoever he is, he must have a triple A personality, because everywhere you look these days in the media, there's his name. At last count, we've tallied that Jerry Bruckheimer is producing over 300 shows per day, which includes TV, movies, DVD's, advertising and everything else in the communications industry.



How many times have we made a call to someone -- and they're not there? Then, when the "answering machine lady" comes on, she tells us that the mail box is full and we cannot leave a message? So how do we get in touch with the people we want to get in touch with? How can we talk to a real person? And if we are able to leave a message, what's the chances that they'll call back. Where is everybody?


How could this man ever become Commissioner of the National Hockey League when he has absolutely no understanding of marketing! For years, this guy has been pushing for expansion into the U.S. Southern markets, yet all the Southern U.S. teams are losing money hand over fist. Why would he insist on selling hockey to a market where the only ice that the locals know is the ice that's in their mint juleps? In marketing, the rule is "fish where the fish are". If you go outside your territory, you're going to lose big time! And now he's trying to block this Balsillie guy -- and his move to Hamilton (where the fish are -- and where the NHL could make money and revive their image). It leaves us completely stunned that Garry Ballsillie has gone on to such great heights. Our only conclusion is that this guy must definitely be able to kiss a lot of butt at cocktail parties!
David Suzuki
Okay, we sort of like David Suzuki. He does cute documentaries about cuddly panda bears in China (who, by the way, would viciously rip you apart if you were in the same room with them) and wierd-looking insects in South America -- all of which achieve an "Aww. Isn't that kinda warm and cuddly" factor . However, lately, his opinions about our environment are getting in the way of Canada's prosperity during a recession. Let's put it this way. During a recession, flora and fauna kind of take a back seat to human beings. Human beings are far more important. Unfortunately, unlike a Manta Ray or a Chimpanzee, they are required to make money -- to feed their families. Lately, it's been very tough to do that -- but Mr. Suzuki believes that a puffin covered in oil from an oil spill is sadder than a single mother who is breaking her back and working two minimum wage jobs to feed her kids. To us, the mother's situation is much sadder -- BECAUSE SHE HAPPENS TO BE A HUMAN BEING. Hey, David, get with the program!!! Humans are far more important than puffins. Canada is rich in oil. The world WANTS AND NEEDS oil. You are getting in the way of Canada selling oil. YOU ARE GETTING IN THE WAY OF PEOPLE EARNING A LIVING. YOU ARE GETTING IN THE WAY OF JOBS!!!! So, hey David, why don`t you go out and hug a tree. Let us know if it hugs you back.
Julian Fantino -- Do you have any idea, any idea at all who I am? Well, let me just tell you, buddy , let me just paint you a picture, (shaking his finger at me) I am Julian Fantino, and, to my way of thinking, I am probably one of the most important people on the planet! I am important and I am entitled (that's aside from Senators Mike Duffy and Patrick Brazeau).
Speaking of Patrick Brazeau, he was once a Canadian Senator. When he was found as yet another politician who was sticking his fingers in the Great Canadian Till, he was suspended from the "Upper Chamber". He had to find a job fast -- so he wound up as the Manager of a strip club in Montreal. What the F? Mr. Harper, you sure you know how to pick 'em
All we can wonder is why it took the Canadian public so long to realize that Mike Duffy was also sticking his fingers in the Great Canadian Piggy Bank? The guy has always been the perfect candidate: witness his sucking up to every PM he has ever known.
Well, HI THERE. I'm Jian Ghomeshi-- and I am MR. WONDERFUL. When you listen to my radio show, it's quite obvious that I know everything about the arts. (Oh, excuse me, yes, I guess you're right. It's my old radio show, (I sort of got "canned"), Everything I said was incredibly brilliant. I suppose my libido and ego sort of got in the way.Okay, okay, so I had a bit of a kinky side. Hey, how was I supposed to know that would be a problem!!! WTF! What you people don't realize is that the male is wired biologically to beat women up during sex. NO? Oh Okay. Sorry.
Conrad Black? Meh! Check out our Conrad Black page at Why Conrad Black Should Be Busted Out of the Hoosegow!
Ontario teachers! Everytime we turn around, Ontario's teachers are bellyaching about their jobs and always ready to go on strike. They want higher wages, they want smaller classes. And it goes on and on and on. We think their constant bellyaching is because they've been teachers all their life and haven't learned a whole lot about what real life is about.
Guns. If ever there was a dumb invention in the history of the world, the hand gun definitely takes "the cake", so to speak. Okay, the long gun we understand!. It was designed for hunters and rural folk who are trying to protect their property (and, in many cases, their lives). But the hand gun? The assault rifle? What were these two little beauties designed for? Other than a doorstop there is absolutely no secondary use for these things. The fact is, they were designed for one purpose and one purpose alone. They were designed for killing people. The assault rifle was designed not only for killing people, but ripping their bodies to pieces -- like the kids at Sandy Hook. Giving ordinary citizens the right to own handguns or, even worse, assault rifles, is as stupid is as stupid gets. For more information about our rabid opposition to guns, please visit The Canadian Copywriter's Opinion On Guns
Rogers Communications. If ever there was a company that was completely dedicated to greed and money and ripping off everybody, that company has got to be Rogers Communications. Self aggrandisement seems to also be a characteristic of this terrible "money first, quality last" organization. Ted Rogers inherited a million dollars and and turned it into more millions by using deception...and his legacy lives on in this company today.
Rob Ford. Rob Ford inherited his fortune from his father. The company makes labels. Since labels are so important in life, (you see, everybody need labels to identify what is what. We need to identify stuff. We need to identify sugar from starch, olives from pickled eggs, etcetera, etcetera), so Rob Ford's father appealed to humanity's basic needs to identify stuff and became a millionaire. His sons carried on with the tradition and kept making labels. Hey, everybody needs labels. Labels are important in life.
Monsanto is a company that is based on chemicals that alter life. Their products will either alter life or destroy life altogether. Monsanto is the company that developed Agent Orange, which is the chemical that is used in Napalm. Remember all those bodies seered by flames in Viet Nam? Yup. That was those good ole Monsanto's chemists who came up with that super-nifty little idea. Do you also remember those big green generator boxes on hydro poles. The green guck inside them was developed by Monsanto. Turns out that exposure to the chemicals in those boxes causes cancer. Monsanto also developed Roundup, which kills milkweed on the sides of our highways and biways. Trouble is, Monarch butterflies only lay their eggs on milkweed. If there are no milkweed plants around, there are no Monarch butterflies. When was the last time you saw a Monarch butterfly? So what has Monsanto done to improve life? Give us a dingle if you have any ideas.
The Niquab. At the Canadian Copywriter, we are pretty much in agreement that the niquab is the creepiest garment that was ever invented! Yes, we believe in religious freedom, but we are also unable to understand a religion that requires people to cover their face -- and we are equally unable to understand why a woman would agree with this concept and walk around appearing as though she was looking at us from a wartime bunker. Around the world, in every culture, women dress to be attractive, not the other way around. Let's face it: the niquab is a throwback to medieval times. It's not becoming to women (and we can't believe it's comfortable) and we would recommend that every Canadian live in the twenty first century. The bottom line is: if you want to be a non-creepy Canadian who, like most Canadians live in the twenty first century, do us all a favour and let the Niquab go!
Paul Colandra. Hey, Canada! We would like you to meet the ultimate in bullshit politicians. Paul Colandra has got double-speak down to an exact science. When Paul speaks, he creates a fog. When he thinks, the fog he creates is in his own mind. When he talks about his leader, he gushes like a sycophant. When you try to question him on his policies, it's like trying to nail Jello to a wall. He ducks, he dodges, he keeps his own personal ambitions in mind and yes, he is the ultimate politician who is exactly what Canada doesn't need! There are so many good politicians out there (in my experience, Frank Klees was one of them (he was a Conservative, but what the hell, I liked him. He did everything possible to help me in my time of need. I won't vote for him, only because he probably got frustrated about not winning the Ontario Conservative Party leadership and resigned) who do everything possible to buck the system and help their constituents and Canada -- and they are the good politicians. What I don't like is politicians who will do everything possible to help themselves. Are you listening, Mr. Duffy?
Justin Trudeau is our New Prime Minister. I'm not sure if you know this or not, but I once shook his father's hand (which is something I will always remember). I hope someday to shake his scion's hand. In the recent October election, I liked Mr. Trudeau's thoughts on the deficit -- only because Canada has to stop arguing and working again -- improving infrastructure, building highways, etc. Canada needs people who are willing to pick up a shovel and work. (Canada doesn't need people who are studying the stock markets every day and trying to make a quick buck!)
So, Kevin O'Leary has decided to run for the leadership of the federal Conservative party. Would he be good for Canada or would Kevin O'Leary only be good for Kevin O'Leary? It's kind of a no brainer. So far, Kevin O'Leary seems to be a self-involved TV personality who has come up with some ridiculous ideas in his dogged, greedy quest for money. I can remember when he said that the people of Africa should pull themselves up by their boot straps and learn how to become millionaires. Well, Mr. O'Leary, that's awfully tough to do when all you can do is find a computer and come up with an email essay that pretends that you're a lawyer who represents a millionaire who has died and willed you a fortune. The people of Africa aren't checking out their financial portfolios every day -- and musing on who will come up with the latest "high profit" idea. Check out Kevin O'Leary's website: it says "He's On Your Money's Side". So far, it seems that he is only on the side of his own money. So the question is: "Is Kevin O'Leary really interested in helping Canada or is Kevin O'Leary only interested in helping himself. Somehow I think not!
The Koch Brothers.

These guys have become billionaires, the second richest family in America, by peddling their fossil-fuel products throughout the world. Their company is the second largest company in the United States, behind Cargill (hey, who would have thought a company that sells seeds would be the largest company in North America). I kind of thought the Walmart family would have been there. Anyway, let's get back to the Koch brothers. They claim that there is no such thing as climate change (even though thousands of scientists and most world leaders are telling us that climate change is, indeed, a fact.) But these two greedy jerks cower in real fear of losing their money! So they are claiming that "there's no such thing as climate change,So they're buying up as many idiotic and money hungry Republicans as possible to agree with their position that Climate Change is a Lie. Wow, in the face of so much evidence, I wonder what their motivation is?
Sarah Palin

is basically what we could call a "yahoo" who loves life, guns, snowmobiles and hockey. Her "love of life" and "perkiness" inspired John McCain to choose her as his vice-presidential running mate in the 2012 election. She appealed to America's deep-seated desire to own guns, stay a violent warring nation, shoot at anything that moves, praise God, hold a gun in one hand and a bible in the other and ride snowmobiles ( she lives in Alaska. Who would have thought?). Fortunately, she lost the election.
The unavailabity of Beaver Tails in Southern Ontario

Every winter, me and my "girls" travelled to Ottawa, Ontario, to skate up and down the Rideau Canal and eat a Beaver Tail. Unfortunately, we are not able to do that anymore because the warming of the planet that Donad Trump is now encouraging has turned an annually solid piece of ice into a swampy river. Anyway, A Beaver Tail is a fine piece of pastry loaded with honey and cinnamon and is a delicious and comfortable treat on a frosty Canadian morning.